
The shidduch crisis refers to the phenomenon in the Orthodox Jewish community whereby eligible single persons, especially women, have difficulty finding a suitable spouse. While there are definite differences between the way dating for marriage is approached and conducted in the Hasidic, Yeshivish and Modern Orthodox worlds, there are also some similarities. Recently, a research study was conducted to better understand and promote awareness regarding the struggles that many Orthodox Jewish daters face across the religious spectrum. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum, together with study authors Dr. Michael Salamon and Dr. Naomi Rosenbach here , as they discuss the research findings and recommendations for communal change in addressing these issues.
I would like to get your opinion about an issue which I feel affects the shidduch crisis and higher divorce rate among frum Jews. My grandson recently got engaged, b'h, and the Kallah orchestrates the engagement process, time, place, friends there, photographer, etc. There is no surprise, romance or chivalry. It's all planned in advance. Her friends and boss tell her what the groom is EXPECTED to give her for the engagement (ring), vort (bracelet). The vort is now a mini-wedding, with a band, hot food, liquor. This kallah doesn't necessarily demand this but her boss and friends are pressuring her that this is the right thing to do and you HAVE TO give her a dozen roses at the vort. So even before the wedding the choson is holding on to resentments and the kallah is confused whether this is the right person for her because her friends and boss question everything he does. To me, this is a setup for disaster.
I had another case where the chosson was told BY THE PARTY PLANNER that he had to give the kallah pearls in the Yichud Room. If they are keeping Negiah laws the only thing they need in the Yichud Room is a kiss and a hug. :)
There are no halachic mandates that I know of and party planners, friends, bosses etc. are making the new rules. And we wonder why there is a crisis and the divorce rate is rising. What are the priorities? Material possessions or love?
Dear Allan,
I agree with you 100%.
Talli