Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

April 18th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Thank you for your informative and interesting column. I've been in therapy for several months and still have a very hard time opening up to my therapist. I started seeing a therapist for anxiety and we've been working on other things as well, such as self-esteem. I did not have the support I needed in the past which contributes to my fear of judgment from her. This is an issue for me in general; not just in therapy. I don't find …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

April 18th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I have a 12-year-old son who has always been a bit of the “weaker” sort. Always been very needy, very fragile, as well as academically challenged. He always seems to want more and more attention from mommy and daddy and spends at least 3-4 weeks a year home sick (really sick not faking it). It seems like it is just the personality that he was born with. As he gets older, I am becoming more and more concerned about his …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

April 18th, 2023

Dear Therapist: I know this is more of a shidduch question, but I would love to hear the perspectives of mental health professionals on this. BH I am getting engaged and I am excited. I am so grateful that I got everything I wanted (and much more). At the same time as so much excitement, I am also really nervous, it's such a huge decision and even though I spoke it over with my parents and mentors, I still just feel how huge it is. I feel like wh …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

April 18th, 2023

Dear Therapist: My 18-year-old son is currently seeing a therapist which was recommended by his rosh reshiva. Even though we are paying for the therapy our only interaction with the therapist is to arrange for payment. My son doesn't want us to speak to the therapist and when we have called the therapist, he doesn't want to speak to us either. How are we supposed to help our son if we have no idea what is going on with him? It also seems very unf …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

April 18th, 2023

Dear Therapist: Ever since I can remember I have had disturbing dreams. Even now as an adult I find that I have these vivid nightmares almost every night. It’s gotten to a point where it’s kind of out of hand and I am wondering if this means something is wrong with me? Is there something I can do to make this stop? Would therapy help with something like this? I’d appreciate any guidance you could give me. Thanks.   Response …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

April 18th, 2023

Dear Therapist: We have an 11 yr. old son who has been bullying his younger siblings for years. He is an intense child with a low self-esteem. He threatens them, bribes them, belittles them, embarrasses them, annoys them, and physically hurts them. He needs everything to go his way. We've spoken to him time and again about his behaviors and he's aware of what he's doing and that it’s not ok. We've punished and threatened and explained. He d …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

April 18th, 2023

Dear Therapist: There is so much talk about the mental health issues that many are facing. Lekovod the simcha of Purim can you please share some of the good news? Where have you seen success, and what has inspired you, as to how both individuals and the tzibur have made strides in the area of mental health? Thank you! Ah Freilichin Purim!   Response: Our society does tend to focus on problems rather than on …
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Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

April 17th, 2023

Over my years of teaching, many teacher stories have been shared with me. Some have been instructive, some less so. But the one about Horowitz is one that I like to remind myself of. A teacher walks into class on the first day of the school year. The students get quiet as they anticipate the start of a new lesson and a new school year. The teacher asks, “Which one of you is Horowitz?” One boy raises his hand. The teacher declares, &ld …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

April 23rd, 2023

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses three situations where prosecution of Beis Din can be suspended if the accusing parties choose to forgive their original charges: אָמַר רַבִּי יֹאשִׁיָּה שְׁלֹשָׁה דְּבָרִים סָח לִי זְעֵירָא מֵאַנְשֵׁי יְרוּשָׁלַיִם בַּעַל שֶׁמָּחַל עַל קִינּוּיוֹ קִינּוּיוֹ מָחוּל וְזָקֵן מַמְרֵא …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

April 21st, 2023

Our Gemara on Amud Beis uses specific terms to describe two different levels of mental incapacity that would allow Beis Din to act on behalf of the husband, should his wife be suspected of adultery. In the first case they describe a Shoteh, which is a degree of mental incapacity (see Chagigah 3b which defines a Shoteh, as well as an interesting Psychology of the Daf, Chagigah 3, click here: https://nefesh.org/SimchaFeuerman/chaggigah--talmudic-we …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

April 21st, 2023

Our Gemara on amud beis discusses a difference in how capital punishment is meted out to a man versus a woman. A man is completely naked while the woman is clothed. Although our Gemara offers a proof text for this, in reality it is based on a logical analysis, as per Gemara Sanhedrin (45a and Tosafos 45a.) The reasoning is as follows, though being stoned while naked will hasten death, because the impact will be more lethal, the woman still wears …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

April 20th, 2023

Our Gemara on amud aleph lists various criteria that describe an ignoramus (in Torah), as called by the Gemara, an Am-Ha’aretz: תָּנוּ רַבָּנַן: אֵיזֶהוּ עַם הָאָרֶץ? כֹּל שֶׁאֵינוֹ קוֹרֵא קְרִיאַת שְׁמַע שַׁחֲרִית וְעַרְבִית בְּבִרְכוֹתֶיהָ, דִּבְרֵי רַבִּי מֵאִיר. וַחֲכָמִים אוֹמְרִים: כֹּל שֶׁא …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

April 19th, 2023

  Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses the protective quality of Torah study and mitzvos:  ״כִּי נֵר מִצְוָה וְתוֹרָה אוֹר״, תָּלָה הַכָּתוּב אֶת הַמִּצְוָה בְּנֵר, וְאֶת הַתּוֹרָה בְּאוֹר. אֶת הַמִּצְוָה בְּנֵר, לוֹמַר לָךְ: מָה נֵר אֵינָהּ מְגִינָּה אֶלָּא לְפִי שָׁעָה — אַף מִ …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

April 18th, 2023

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph refers to a Rasha Arum, a cunning wicked person. The Zohar (Vayeshev) describes the Evil Inclination as the prototypical Rasha Arum, because he arrives first in a person’s life. That is when a young child only knows raw instinct, he tends toward physicality and lust. Only later, as a child develops intellectual discernment, he is capable of having a good inclination. Since the evil incarnation has already long been …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

April 17th, 2023

  Our Gemara on amud beis discusses circumstances of the Sotah’s retraction of her willingness to drink from the waters. Sometimes it is considered a de-facto confession and therefore she no longer drinks, or instead we believe she is panic stricken, and her refusal is not a confession, rather she may still be innocent and thus drinks: לָא קַשְׁיָא הָא דְּקָהָדְרָא בַּהּ מֵחֲמַת רְתִיתָא ו …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

April 9th, 2023

Our Mishna on Amud Beis tells us that according to Rabbi Meir, one of the oaths that the Sotah takes is about her future behavior: רַבִּי מֵאִיר אוֹמֵר: אָמֵן שֶׁלֹּא נִטְמֵאתִי, אָמֵן שֶׁלֹּא אֶטָּמֵא. Rabbi Meir says that “amen, amen” means: Amen that I did not become defiled in the past, amen that I will not become defiled in the future. The Gemara elaborates:

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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

April 9th, 2023

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses a mystical meditation that is inspired by the blue-like techeiles thread in the tzitzis: מִפְּנֵי שֶׁהַתְּכֵלֶת דּוֹמֶה לַיָּם, וְיָם דּוֹמֶה לָרָקִיעַ, וְרָקִיעַ דּוֹמֶה לְכִסֵּא הַכָּבוֹד — שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״וַיִּרְאוּ אֵת אֱלֹהֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל וְתַחַת רַגְלָיו כְּ …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

April 9th, 2023

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph describes a certain rabbinic derasha about Metzora as “Miderabanan”. This is an odd text because usually the term Midreabanan refers to laws that are rabbinic additions, not laws derived from derashos. The obvious difference being that something derived from a derasha has the force of a Torah law, and not subject to certain leniencies, such as physical duress, or following the lenient opinion when in doubt.&nb …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

April 9th, 2023

Our Gemara on Amud Beis notes that the Sotah’s sacrifice is made of barley, which is considered animal food. The Gemara exhorts: She conducted herself in a beastly manner, therefore her sacrifice is that of a beastly food. It is important for us to reflect when reading such statements that they are not only for the Sotah, but are for all of us. Let us recall what we have learned on the first page of this Masechta: “Whoever sees the So …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

April 9th, 2023

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph enumerates the ways in which Hashem shows kindness, and how we should emulate this in our conduct: הַלֵּךְ אַחַר מִדּוֹתָיו שֶׁל הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא מָה הוּא מַלְבִּישׁ עֲרוּמִּים דִּכְתִיב וַיַּעַשׂ ה׳ אֱלֹהִים לְאָדָם וּלְאִשְׁתּוֹ כׇּתְנוֹת עוֹר וַיַּלְבִּשֵׁם אַף …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

April 9th, 2023

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph tells us about Moshe’s retrieving the bones of Yosef while the Jews were caught up in grabbing the spoils from the drowned Egyptians: תָּנוּ רַבָּנַן: בֹּא וּרְאֵה כַּמָּה חֲבִיבוֹת מִצְוֹת עַל מֹשֶׁה רַבֵּינוּ, שֶׁכׇּל יִשְׂרָאֵל כּוּלָּן נִתְעַסְּקוּ בַּבִּיזָּה, וְהוּא נִתְעַסֵּק בּ …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

April 9th, 2023

Our Gemara on Amud Alpeh describes how beautiful Miriam had become, as indicated by various secondary names given to her by scripture. One name was Esnan, which means gift. However, it also is reminiscent of the scriptural use of this word in the context of payment given to a prostitute for sexual services (See Devarim 23:19). In Miriam’s case, the sexual charge is not seen as negative, and to the contrary, she is seen as somehow an inspira …
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Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT

April 4th, 2023

The yomim tovim / Jewish holidays are often “busy season” for Orthodox therapists. In our communities, where there’s a profound emphasis on the values of both family and holidays, these often converge to create a perfect storm of internal pressure and interpersonal mayhem. There are the social plans: who is hosting, who is traveling, which “side’s turn” is it to have the newlyweds, or the elderly relatives, and …
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Author: Elisheva Liss, LMFT

April 3rd, 2023

*This was originally a column in the Five Towns Jewish Times*       Dear Elisheva,       My problem comes up mostly around Shabbos and Yom Tov family get-togethers. We are blessed with seven kids, mostly adults now; the youngest are 17 and 19, still living at home. We also have a growing number of grandchildren, and love to see them as often as possible.       We worked hard to give our childr …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

April 9th, 2023

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph tells us that not only does God punish measure for measure, but God also rewards measure for measure. Additionally, the reward is much more than just an equal measure, because the Middah of goodness is greater than the Middah of punishment.  אֲמַר לֵיהּ רָבָא הָא וְכֵן לְעִנְיַן הַטּוֹבָה קָתָנֵי אֶלָּא אָמַר רָבָא הָכִי קָתָנֵי וְכֵן ל …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

April 5th, 2023

Our Gemara on Amud Beis warns of the severity of causing another person public humiliation, to the extent that he or she would turn white:  מַר רַבִּי שִׁמְעוֹן חֲסִידָא, וְאָמְרִי לָהּ אָמַר רַבִּי יוֹחָנָן מִשּׁוּם רַבִּי שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן יוֹחַי: נוֹחַ לוֹ לָאָדָם שֶׁיַּפִּיל עַצְמוֹ לְתוֹךְ כִּבְשַׁן ה …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

April 5th, 2023

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses the evil plans that the Serpent had for Adam and Chava, namely to eliminate Adam as his rival. His plan was to incite Chava to eat from the forbidden Tree of Knowledge, which would lead her to giving Adam to eat as well. Adam would die as result, so he can have Chava all to himself.  The Maharsha raises the obvious question:  If Chava ate from the forbidden tree, would this not also result in her death? …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

April 5th, 2023

Our Mishna on Amud Beis notes how providentially we find that the punishment fits the crime, as well as the Gemara later discussing that the reward also is commensurate, and even more, as we’ll discuss tomorrow on Daf 11. It is understood that the punishment and reward take on the same property or method as the original deed in order to show God’s providence, and it is not merely a coincidence. Is it true psychologically as well, is t …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

April 5th, 2023

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses various traditions of what is stated to the Sotah, in order to encourage her to confess (assuming she is guilty) and avoid the Ordeal of the bitter Waters: וְאוֹמֵר לָהּ בִּתִּי הַרְבֵּה יַיִן עוֹשֶׂה הַרְבֵּה שְׂחוֹק עוֹשֶׂה הַרְבֵּה יַלְדוּת עוֹשָׂה הַרְבֵּה שְׁכֵנִים הָרָעִים עוֹשִׂין And additi …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

April 4th, 2023

Our Gemara on Amud Beis rules that a woman about whom there are strong rumors of infidelity, to the extent that she is the object of a particular kind of gossip, does not drink the Sotah waters:  הִיא וְלֹא שֶׁיִּשְׂאוּ וְיִתְּנוּ בָּהּ מוֹזְרוֹת בַּלְּבָנָה The baraisa continues: The next word in the verse, “she [hee],” excludes a third case: But not where she, i.e., her in …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

April 3rd, 2023

In the Lecha Dodi liturgy that we recite Friday night, which welcomes Shabbos and the redemption, there seems to be an incorrect ordering of these two stanzas: הִתְנַעֲרִי מֵעָפָר קוּמִי, לִבְשִׁי בִּגְדֵי תִפְאַרְתֵּךְ עַמִּי, עַל יַד בֶּן יִשַּׁי בֵּית הַלַּחְמִי, קָרְבָה אֶל נַפְשִׁי גְּאָלָהּ:   Shake the dust off yo …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

March 30th, 2023

In our annual Q&A episode, Talli Rosenbaum  and  Rabbi Scott Kahn answer many questions and discuss numerous issues dealing with Judaism and intimacy, including whether avoiding sex before marriage means a likelihood of being sexually incompatible with your spouse, how to proceed when you start off shomer negiah and then… you’re not, finding porn on your husband’s intenet history, coping with changes in libido, de …
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Author: Rabbi Shmuel Reich

March 30th, 2023

I had been hoping to write a blog with suggestions for how to make preparations for Pesach easier for those with ADHD related challenges. I soon realized that to cover everything would need to be more like a book than I blog... I had not quite set out to write a book at this time, so instead I wrote a blog with a small handful of points that I think can be useful. Here goes!  Many individuals with ADHD struggle with organization of time …
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Author: Devora Shabtai

March 28th, 2023

“We are going to know a new freedom” -Alcoholics Anonymous I have always marveled at the paradox that our nation’s liberation from the bondage of slavery is marked by the quintessential period of restriction. A holiday that requires us to adhere to strict guidelines and detailed instructions with such profound exactitude and measure. To distance ourselves from something that in the rest of the year we get to engage in unconditio …
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Author: Miriam Ribiat

March 27th, 2023

The therapist is sitting in a dim cozy room aross from a client who is in so much pain. You discuss the feelings, tools to deal with them and any practical suggestions that may help. But what happens if the script changes and the client says, “Why? Why me? Why was I chosen?” Your response may be that you are not equipped to address those questions. But Rabbi Ben Tizon Shafier has answers. Why was this person chosen?  That he can& …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

April 2nd, 2023

People from my parents’ generation used to draw a comparison to the old style of chinuch versus the new post Dr. Spock generation. In the old days, if a child came home from school and was crying that the teacher hit him, the parent would hit him again and say, I“If your teacher hit you, it must be for a good reason!“ While in our times, if a child came home, complaining that the teacher hit him, the parents would rush to the sc …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

March 31st, 2023

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses an opinion that even though the Sotah ritual is activated by the husband according to a formula prescribed by the Torah, this act of jealously warning her to not to be alone with a certain suspected person is forbidden, because it causes strife (see Rashi).  Shitta Mekubetzes raises an obvious logical objection. If it turns out that he legitimately suspects his wife of immoral behavior, and he is not just b …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

March 31st, 2023

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph tells us:  רַבִּי אוֹמֵר לָמָּה נִסְמְכָה פָּרָשַׁת נָזִיר לְפָרָשַׁת סוֹטָה לוֹמַר לָךְ שֶׁכׇּל הָרוֹאֶה סוֹטָה בְּקִלְקוּלָהּ יַזִּיר עַצְמוֹ מִן הַיַּיִן Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi says: Why is the portion of a nazirite (Numbers, chapter 6) placed adjacent to the portion of a sota (Numbers, chap …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

March 30th, 2023

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses the importance of saying Amen after a blessing: רַבִּי יוֹסֵי אוֹמֵר: גָּדוֹל הָעוֹנֶה ״אָמֵן״ יוֹתֵר מִן הַמְבָרֵךְ. וְאָמַר לוֹ רַבִּי נְהוֹרַאי: הַשָּׁמַיִם! כָּךְ הוּא: תֵּדַע שֶׁהֲרֵי גּוּלְיָירִים מִתְגָּרִין בַּמִּלְחָמָה, וְגִבּוֹרִים נוֹ …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

March 29th, 2023

 Our Gemara on Amud Aleph quotes a verse about Yaakov’s burial wishes as a proof text that requires a portion of the nearby earth to be taken along with a disinterred corpse, when it is being transferred to another grave (Bereishis 47:30): וְשָֽׁכַבְתִּי֙ עִם־אֲבֹתַ֔י וּנְשָׂאתַ֙נִי֙ מִמִּצְרַ֔יִם וּקְבַרְתַּ֖נִי בִּקְבֻרָתָ֑ם וַיֹּאמַ֕ר אָנ …
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