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I want to acknowledge Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, M.S., CASAC previously wrote an article on this topic. I am writing this in addition to hers:) not in place of it.
There are times throughout the year where we get dressed up during the holiday or to party, such as worldwide carnivals. Why do people get dressed up? To be somebody they’re not, to be someone different. Why do people drink alcohol before socializing? To be more relaxed so they could feel comfortable with themselves. How often is there a discrepancy between the way we feel on our insides and the way we appear on the outside? I will let you answer that question yourself.
Why is it we try to run away from who we really are? Are we happy with ourselves or would we rather escape whenever possible? The real question is what exactly are we running from?
There will always be questions but there won’t always be answers. What we could do is use the questions to help guide us towards the future. Let’s focus on being comfortable with ourselves so we don’t need to look for “another us.” First we need to know who we are. That is not always as easy as it sounds. Do we live for ourselves or those around us?
We try not exposing ourselves. If that is being shy or because of struggling socially, we can work on that. If that is because we are worried we may express to many or too few feelings, that could be improved. Unfortunately, the only way we could work on something that we don’t like in ourselves is by acknowledging it is there. Hiding behind a mask has the opposite effect and will never give you a chance to be the inner you. The mask is often to avoid feelings. Yes, feelings. The thing that makes us vulnerable. Living is about learning how to deal with vulnerable situations. It is quite difficult to always avoid, although it does work sometimes and when it does, it is temporary.
We also have choices to make. In this instance the decision would be to gamble on the best of the worst. Is temporary pain worth it for lifelong happiness? Achieving happiness and comfort is when you take control by letting yourself be prepared for anything that may come your way and use it to grow into a stronger you.
The next time you feel like hiding in your mask, will you choose to put it on or understand your feelings behind wanting to wear it?
Zahavah Fishfeld, LMHC is a licensed therapist who focuses on relationships, self-esteem and self growth. She offers a phone consultation as well as sessions in person and through video. Her offices are located in Flatbush and Crown Heights. She can be reached at 845-596-1321 and zahavahsel@gmail.com.
The mask I was referring to is about not being yourself. The mask you ask about sounds like self discovery. Trying to find out who you are through experimentation is putting on a temporary mask only because it has never been you. It is trying something new to be yourself though, not to avoid who you are. If you don't step into the hot water you will never be able to take off the mask because there is nothing there to replace it (you.) Trying to find your comfort zone but not acting in accordance of where you will end up is necessary to take off the mask long term.
Reminds me of...
Well, we all have a face
That we hide away forever
And we take them out
And show ourselves when everyone has gone
Some are satin, some are steel
Some are silk and some are leather
They're the faces of a stranger
But we'd love to try them on
Well, we all fall in love
But we disregard the danger
Though we share so many secrets
There are some we never tell
Why were you so surprised
That you never saw the stranger
Did you ever let your lover
See the stranger in yourself
Don't be afraid to try again
Everyone goes south every now and then
You've done it
Why can't someone else
You should know by now
You've been there yourself
Once I used to believe
I was such a great romancer
Then I came home to a woman
That I could not recognize
When I pressed her for a reason
She refused to even answer
It was then I felt the stranger
Kick me right between the eyes
Well, we all fall in love
But we disregard the danger
Though we share so many secrets
There are some we never tell
Why were you so surprised
That you never saw the stranger
Did you ever let your lover
See the stranger in yourself
Don't be afraid to try again
Everyone goes south every now and then
You've done it
Why can't someone else
You should know by now
You've been there yourself
You may never understand
How the stranger is inspired
But he isn't always evil
And he is not always wrong
Though you drown in good intentions
You will never quench the fire
You'll give in to your desire
When the stranger comes along
Thank you for sharing! Trust has to come from within and with that you can learn to trust others and situations. With confidence, you could learn to try a situation with the possibility of failure. There is always a possibility but what is the probability? It is scary to take the mask off for fear of vulnerability but without letting loose their is no room for growth!